5 things I learned dating over the last year

 

Okay, so I promised you guys that I would open up a little more about my dating life.  I talked a little bit about it on my instastories, but it’s hard for me to talk about because most of the guys I date follow me on Attorney Attire. However, this post has been weighing on my heart for MONTHS now, so I figured it’s time to pull the trigger. 

First, I alluded  via instastories to the fact that the last 6 months of dating have been a nightmare. I have been single for a little over a year now. Within that time, I have gone on at least 15 dates?  Some of have been great, and some have been awful. 

I should preface this post by saying that I have only been in one serious relationship in my life. Before law school, I was pretty focused on my career and didn’t date. I stayed single throughout law school, until my 3L year, when I met my law school boyfriend, and I was pretty positive he was the one (lol).   When I moved to South Dakota for my clerkship, that was basically the end of our relationship and I was heartbroken. It took me a year of being single and getting over that heartbreak to go out on my first date.   

I downloaded bumble and had so much fun meeting new people. 

(actual selfie from my Snapchat history that I took before my first bumble date– I told three friends I was going on the date incase I got murdered).

The second bumble date I went on resulted in an eight month relationship. That relationship ended with me getting cheated on, and him MARRYING someone else approximately two months later (I literally cannot make this up).  So, that was the last relationship I was in. 

That relationship left me scared to date. I was scared there was something wrong with me. It was hard for me to trust people after that. It still has an impact on me now. Despite being scared,  I re downloaded all of the dating apps.  I was super picky the second time around and was sure I was going to protect myself. 

So, I went on another bumble date. It was SO MISERABLE. He was good looking, but completely not my type. The whole time during dinner, I couldn’t wait for the date to be done.  After that date, I deleted my apps and figured it’s better to just be single than to have awkward dates like that (seems dramatic, but I just wasn’t ready to date). 

After like 4 months of being bored and getting over my relationship,  I downloaded hinge. Hinge is a step up from Bumble, but equally feeds into the “swipe culture” mentality. I went on a date with the first guy I matched with on Hinge, and it was interesting. 

I  ignored the red flags that came along with that relationship, and dated him for 4 months, long distance. Yikes, is all I have to say about that one.  He treated me terribly, and called me all sorts of names. He called me crazy, dumb, and totally strung me along. He lied constantly.  I will never forget the day I ended things in that toxic relationship; it was the Sunday before a trial.   I called him and told him it was over.   I then blocked him on everything, and we won our trial the next day.  It felt so good.  Lesson from that: don’t let people treat you like crap. 

After that, I went on a couple more dates, and got ghosted twice.  Getting ghosted absolutely sucks, and it’s embarrassing.  After that, I basically swore off dating, and refused to download any more dating apps. For now, I am focusing on my career, and growing attorney attire. I know the right person will come along eventually, and I promise I will tell you all about it.  After sharing my struggles on instastories, I know so many of you are going through something similar, so I wanted to share the best dating tips: 

be patient 


My friend told me this when I was explaining to him how much dating sucks. He said take it slow and start out as friends. He said you’re going to be miserable if you rush into a relationship. He is 100% right.  It sucks when you like someone, but a relationship won’t work if you rush into it. 

the faster you move on the better 

It sucks knowing that you’ve been ghosted. But, the faster you move on, the happier you’ll be.  The first thing I do when I’ve been ghosted is block the guys number, and I delete and block him on social media. There is a block feature for a reason and it’s ok to use it.  Obviously, everyone heals a little differently, and some people are more resilient than others. But, the sooner you can compartmentalize the relationship and move on, the better off things will be. 

find a hobby

Dating should be fun! But you need to make sure you are balancing out your dating life with your personal life. Make sure you have a hobby to keep yourself sane through all of the dates and ghosting fiascos. Blogging, and running or yoga  are my main hobbies. 

if he wants to be with you, you’ll know 

This is my favorite advice. My sister’s best friend (Kelsey) shared her dating story with me, and it has always stuck with me. Kelsey was in love with this guy who was a complete tool. They would hangout occasionally, with Kelsey always initiating the dates.  Kelsey was in a toxic relationship without realizing it until she met her now husband.  Kelsey said when she met her husband, he initiated every date, and made it clear his intentions for dating her. She said when a guy is interested in you, you’ll know.  My take away from that, is trust your instinct. You’ll know when a guy is interested. If you’re getting the impression he’s not interested, he probably isn’t. He will show up and go the extra mile. Don’t settle for anything less. 

figure out what you want 

Dating isn’t the easiest when you don’t know what you want.  I  have been keeping to myself as it relates to dating because I am unsure what I want. I am scared of being in a serious relationship right now, but also don’t want to be alone. I don’t think it’s fair to a guy to be like this, so I just try not to date until I am ready.   Once you make the decision that you are ready to date, I hope you have so much fun! Try not to worry when a guy opens your instagram message and doesn’t respond, or when it takes him longer than an hour to text back (like most of my friends do). Enjoy the process! 

 

Thanks for reading! 

 

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